It is another deep winter sunrise this Christmas Eve morning and I’m enjoying the slowly increasing light as viewed through the thick layer of condensation on the base of my office window. With an external temperature of -9.9°F (-23.3°C) such condensation on double pane window glass in this area is typical although getting a fire going in the new wood stove will help dry out my humble abode and minimize the condensation. We have not seen double digit outdoor temps since December 20th so it has been a bit cool of late here in Talkeetna.
While staring out my window and marveling at the beauty of the below zero landscape I was reminded of some concerns voiced by some of my well-meaning friends regarding spending the ‘holidaze’ with only the ‘kidz’. In particular one friend was actually worried about me which I found touching but also a waste of her concern. This started me thinking about the whole ‘holidays with family and friends’ routine and why some folks cannot imagine spending said times alone while others find it preferable. I most likely fall in between these two extremes with a definite leaning towards the latter.
I acknowledge the historical preference to spend the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays with family and friends and, indeed, for the first forty years of my life I was always with at least my parents and sometimes one or more siblings. But as families ‘age’ there is a tendency to move apart; many develop families of their own and in addition being part of the ‘working world’ limits the amount of time many folks can devote to holiday travel. Add to this the grief involved in just basic air travel and I do not find it surprising that it becomes more difficult for families to gather. But what led me to spend my holidays solo was first the separation of our family; my sister and family live in Monument (CO) which was far away from Dearborn (MI) where my folks lived. My brother lived in Chicago but largely remained incommunicado by his own choice. A bit later on as my folks aged they really didn’t observe the ‘family gathering’ piece; they preferred to attend their church services, mingle with friends but largely avoid a lot of holiday gatherings. After they passed I sometimes spent the holidays with friends but slowly began to just remain by myself. This was accentuated by the fact I rarely had a ‘significant other’ in my life and also had no children.
Everyone has read stories of ‘poor’ or ‘unfortunate’ people who are alone at the holiday season when they so pine for companionship and cheer; given there are so many I can only assume this does happen. But not everyone who is ‘solo’ is lonely or would prefer companionship. I am quite comfortable spending the holidaze with just my canine companions; during some of the past holidays I’ve attended meals at the local VFW but for the most part I truly prefer to be solo and comfortable. As my weight has become more of an issue with age I am much happier avoiding the calorie laden albeit delicious holiday cuisine. And I am able to better maintain the routines my canine companions so prize when it is just us.
It is not that I’m a ‘Grinch’ or someone who hates the holidays; quite the contrary as I truly enjoy the feeling of joy that permeates the atmosphere along with the fun in wishing folks a ‘Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year’. Rather, I prefer to celebrate them in my own way which is on a much lower key than the fondly remembered huge family gatherings around a table almost bowing under the weight of all the delicious food. And I always take a bit of time to honestly remember ‘the reason for the season’.
I truly do understand that some people cannot imagine being alone across the holidays and they extend their own discomfort to anyone who is solo; they want only to have everyone be happy and a part of the festivities. But there are a lot of us folks who really do prefer to be by ourselves during the holidays and it is not for any dark or sad reason; we just prefer it. Ultimately such people are far more comfortable spending the holidays in relative quiet and calm. They are mostly what I call ‘un-holiday people’ and I count myself among them. Again, we don’t hate the holidays; we just prefer to celebrate them in a different fashion.
So to all you well-meaning ‘holiday people’ I would ask this; please step back and think just a bit before you become overly concerned for someone spending Thanksgiving and/or Christmas alone. It is entirely possibly they prefer it that way…